Not a rose garden…

Blending families can sometimes resemble a wrestling match.

No holds barred.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cage fight.

Yes, it is great the majority of the time, and the moments we have when something out of blue happens and the kids band together are amazing moments I cherish. Then there are the moments where you have two kids who are so alike and so different at the same time butt heads. Our kids (Chad and mine) have all faced a major hurt and loss in the past year. Mine lost their dad. Chad’s went through a divorce and splitting of a family. I don’t know which is worse and won’t even try to say that one is worse than the other. I know that on one hand my kids feel like their hurt is worse because they don’t have their dad that they can go and visit. But then you have the hurt on his boys side where their mom was here and now she isn’t. Along with two of their brothers. Both groups of kids are in pain and hurting over their losses. And when you have this many kids trying to deal with their pain, you better believe some attitudes come out. They are all trying to test the new boundaries in their lives. Trying Chad and I to see how far they can push.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Attitudes abound when it comes to MacKenzie and Cody. I feel like MacKenzie forgot how to say thank you for anything. Once she gets one goal met, she starts complaining about something else.Then there are her moments where she just walks up to Chad and hugs him. For no reason. Or her putting his number in her phone as “dad”. But like the rest of the bunch she tries to see how far she can push everyone. Then add in not being oldest child any longer. Whew! It can and has gotten hairy at times. To the point where she really hurt me one day and I told her I didn’t care if she moved in with her grandparents. I am way more lenient with the attitude than I would have been in the past. Knowing that she has had major changes in her life and knowing that she is just trying to find her way and place again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cody thinks he is the boss. He is trying to figure out how to handle the big brother role. He hasn’t had that role before and it is hard for him to find a balance between enough and too much. I don’t know how to handle a hormonal 13 year old boy. I don’t feel like it is my place to punish him. I haven’t earned that yet. So I go to Chad with most of it. Like MacKenzie it has gotten hairy a time or two with him and his dad.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then we have the younger kids who feed off of the older kids attitudes.

Savanna’s learning disabilities have tried Chad in ways I don’t think he ever expected. It is also opening up his boys eyes to how saying things like “retard” and “stupid” can hurt. I am having my own difficulties with Savanna in that I never wanted her medicated for her ADHD or any LD’s that might be diagnosed. But her outbursts and changes in mood are getting hard to handle. Savanna has tried her hardest to break Chad. They have had it out a time or two over Savanna screaming and throwing a tantrum. Once Chad wrapped his brain around her being on a whole different level than most 9 year olds, and once she wrapped her brain around Chad isn’t ever going to not want her here, it has been a whole new relationship between them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bret has had his moments as well. I have issues with both he and Sebastian over homework. “Tapping” is a problem that we are closing down. Bret will hit someone and say that he just tapped them. Not cool! And on top of that anytime you try and correct him, he turns into this weird little kid who’s face melts off his head and instead of getting in trouble he wants you to feel bad for him. He is learning that puppy dog face (as I call it) doesn’t work on me. We had the issue with him where because I told him to clean his room and expected him to do his chores he didn’t think he would get in trouble if he didn’t. I took away something from him as a punishment for not doing his chores and he went to his mom, talked bad about me, and asked to live with her. Bret is a wonderful kid. He can make you laugh and has the patience of a saint most of the time with the little kids. But again…testing boundaries.

Sebastian. Oh dear sweet Sebastian. Where Savanna was Chad’s “problem”, Sebastian is mine. Now I could go into a whole long drawn out thing about how Sebastian gets treated like a baby around here. He doesn’t tie his shoes, he doesn’t find his own clothes, he won’t do any chores, and he thinks everything is his and he doesn’t have to share. But I won’t. I have been called Hitler by Sebastian, and have let it slide. To a point. And when he saw that it didn’t matter to me if he ran to his mom and complained about me, that he still had to come home and do chores, he has changed little by little. I don’t give into the hair pulling and wailing. I just tell him to stop and that there is no reason to act like that. Sebastian misses his mom the most out of the boys, and the divorce hurt him the most. But I am still going to push for his brothers and even Chad to treat him like he should be. He’s 8. Not 2.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Braden has had his own share of missteps. Bret’s “tapping” has rubbed off on him. He tries to emulate Cody and Kenzie in the attitudes. But he really surprises Chad at times. Braden really wants that father role filled. He looks up to Chad and really listens. Nothing breaks his heart more than Chad getting on to him. It isn’t all roses with Braden by a long shot. He can be mean and rude. We are trying to get the older kids to understand that the younger kids see and hear what and how the act. Then they try and do the same. I think when we have the older 2 not throwing tude around so much, that Braden will calm down even more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Connor and Colton are our easy ones. They absolutely adore Chad and think that having 3 more brothers is awesome. They really are on;y doing what normal 5 year olds do. And that is to try and be like their older siblings and try and push those boundaries as far as they can.

I won’t say that this is easy. It isn’t. Blending two families and trying to make sure everyone gets what they need is hard. It is rewarding and awesome. It painful and trying. It is a day by day life. One we are marching through as a family and one we are conquering each new day.