Okay, Chad doesn’t have an ex to deal with when it comes to me. But boy do I feel like I have a bugger of an ex to deal with on his side. It
It doesn’t help that she ended up pregnant. Or that she didn’t tell him until she was 4 months. And it happened to be exactly a week after we announced our engagement. Yeah, I am sure you are thinking the same thing I did and everyone else who knew what was going on. All hell broke lose when he asked for a paternity test. He still wants a paternity test even though he is pretty sure the baby is his. But it hit me hard. Knowing that we were getting married and that I couldn’t have any more children without either a miracle or medical intervention. I also dreaded the sex announcement. Chad had only sons. I so didn’t want to hear the ex say she was having a girl. Of course she had a girl. Chad’s first biological daughter. That was a punch in the gut. Now not only could we not have a child together, but his FIRST and ONLY biological daughter was being given to him by his ex. I won’t lie and say that it never crossed my mind that I would lose Chad. I had many sleepless nights wondering how long it would be before he decided he wanted to raise his daughter with the ex. Yes, I had insecurities. I can’t even lie and say I don’t still have moments where I wonder if he doesn’t think about what it would be like if he did leave me and go back to her. Especially with her constant going on and on.
At first she was posting all kinds of crazy shit on Facebook about being in love and waiting on miracles and how God would work it out. When I said my piece, her sister jumped in on it and tried to have her two cents out there. It was a huge drama. Chad and I were both stressed and it resulted in many arguments. The ex was texting him constantly. Even though he asked her to only text him in regards to the baby, she would still text him telling him how she had wanted him back but when I told her that he was with me she moved on. Went so far as to tell him that he wasn’t who she was really in love with, but was in love with some guy named Bubba that she had been in love with for years. I called bullshit.
Right after Kate was born, the ex started in on Chad about how she had made such a big mistake leaving him. Telling him how much she still loved him (now remember she already told him she was really in love with Bubba), and how I am a mistake he is making because she left him without talking to him. She wants Chad to leave me and go back to her. I have asked her repeatedly to respect mine and Chad’s family we have, and not to keep this crap up. She then informs me that I have to understand how hard it is for her. To be in love with him and have his daughter. How hard it is for her to know what she gave up. Well um no I don’t have to understand how hard it is for her. She WALKED out on his three sons and left them home alone with Chad 3 hours away. Yet she thinks she has some right to ask about the schoolwork and offer to call teachers for Chad.
I am so tired of this woman trying to worm her way in between me and Chad. I am so tired of seeing texts pop up from her when we are out together doing family things or even when we are alone. If it was just a picture of the baby, then that would be one thing. But these constant texts where she is telling him how much she regrets leaving, how much he should hate her for not being here with him so he can be a constant in Kate’s life, how she is never going to be with anyone else. I am just fed up with it!
Two weeks ago Chad got the privilege of meeting his daughter for the first time. That was a hard weekend. The ex spent the weekend telling Chad how bad it was living with her parents. Telling him when I could come with him to see the baby. And trying to dictate it all. We had a HUGE arguement. I almost walked out. I almost gave up. I feel like sometimes that Chad blames me for not being more of a part of Kate’s life. Last weekend we went out for his birthday and ended up finally (thanks to a few drinks too many on my part) got the rest of what I was thinking off my chest. But his admission of having had second thoughts about us because of the baby and his feelings for the ex coming back a little hurt me. I mean he is still home with me every night. He is still actively planning our wedding with me. He is still here with me. But knowing that he did have his moment of doubt and knowing that the feelings he had had for her had risen back to the surface in light of Kate’s birth, well it is unsettling. It makes me wonder, yet again, if there will be a day before (or God forbid, after) the wedding that he says he doesn’t want what we have.
I would never stand in the way of him seeing his daughter. And if it came down to it and that was what he wanted, I wouldn’t have much choice in the matter. There are days I think she is getting exactly what she wants. Putting doubts in both Chad’s and my heads.
What is your advice?
Of course I would love to introduce the blogging world to my new step-daughter-to-be….
Introducing Katelyn Pearl
She is such a cutie. Definitely makes some “Chad” faces. LOL He is smitten with her. God forbid this paternity test come back saying he isn’t the father. But then again, part of me (the evil side of me) hopes it does. I don’t know if I can take 18 years of dealing with the baby mama.
I’m so sorry that all of this is weighing on your mind. Ultimately, it’s a decision that only Chad can make and it sounds to me like he’s made his choice. He’s made it through the pregnancy and constant requests for his attention and all the while he’s stood by YOU. Keep ahold of that and try not to doubt his feelings for you! She is a cutie and you are going to be a great step-mom!
Good lord, you are stepping in a pile of dog sh*T. Not to be crude. You and your fiance need to sit down and calmly talk about boundaries between him and his ex. If he isn’t willing to set healthy boundaries, then he shouldn’t be marrying you. Easy as that. If you can’t sit down together, see if you can visit a couples counselor. Whatever you do, DO NOT GET MARRIED UNTIL THIS IS SETTLED. Best of luck and I hope everything works out well for everyone involved.
totally agree with Rachel about couples counselling and boundaries….you are a wonderful person and will make a great step-mom..you are a great sisinlaw
Julia
My advice?
A man asked you to marry him four months after impregnating another woman?
Run.
If a man asked me to marry him, you can be damn sure he wouldn’t have been doing the wild thing in another woman’s bed just four months earlier. And this “Yet she thinks she has some right to ask about the schoolwork and offer to call teachers for Chad.” She sure does. It sucks but she can be gone all their life and one day decide she wants to call the teachers, get visitation, know info from doctor, etc. and sans an order terminating her parental rights, she is within her rights. But the good thing is that it lets the child know both parents are invested them and that’s what it’s really about.
She can dictate when you can come see the baby (in her house). She doesn’t need to let you come at all. You are a legal stranger in this situation. Eventually when Chad has a visitation schedule, that’s different and he can choose who he lets around his daughter. But she does dictate now.
I’m sorry. I can’t get the idea of a man doing it with another woman and then four short months later professing his undying, eternal love to me.
Wendy,
His three boys that she is trying to be involved with are not her children. They are his and his ex wifes. That is why I say she has no right to ask and try and be involved with them. She up and left them one day. No reasoning why. Just left.
And as for her being 4 months preggers when he proposed, well he didn’t know. She didn’t tell him until a week after we announced our engagement. I was widowed just a month before. So I can’t say anything about the time between relationships. Love has a way of working out in weird ways. Like Julia said in the comment below, we chose to have a long engagement instead of doing the whole dating rollercoaster. It was and still is the best decision I ever made. He is my other half and knows me better than my husband did in the 13 years we were married.
well a woman that just ups and leaves the kids home alone…
doesnt say a word about being pregnant….
then only mentions it when she finds out he has moved on….
(BTW chad and brandi decided to not casaully date because of their children but decide to get engaged for a year and see where things go instead of putting their children thru the dating rollercoaster which IMO is to be applauded instead of slammed in todays bedhopping society)
just rubs me the wrong way and makes me question her ethics, morals, charactor,etc…
why wait til NOW???
just saying….
julia
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